Another Sad Man doesn’t Understand the Constitution

DennisKruseTo add to our unfortunately regular theme of elected officials that simply do not understand the Constitution JCOnline.com reports that Indiana Sen. Dennis Kruse files bill that would allow schools to require saying Lord’s Prayer.  The Huffington Post has another take.

The bill would allow schools to require daily recitation of “The Lord’s Prayer” (although apparently students could opt out with parental permission).  Kruse is well known for repeatedly attempting to introduce bills which would allow the teaching of creationism in public schools.  In a clear attempt at irony Kruse, a longtime state senator, is the Chairman of the Senate Education Committee.

Happily it does look like the bill has very little chance of reaching a vote.  Senate President Pro Tempore David Long feels that Kruse may have backed the bill “to make a statement, not expecting a hearing.”  Although he clearly understands the issue Long is still a politician and equivocates his statement:

“It’s a clear violation of the interpretation of the First Amendment by the United States Supreme Court.  It’s not a personal opinion on my part.”

On the positive side he did assign the bill to a procedural committee known as a “burial ground” for bad legislation.

Verdict

Kruse’s willful misunderstanding of the law earns him a clear charge of Dickory in the First Degree.  However his persistent and repeated offenses show a marked lack of remorse.  We find no recourse but to brand him a repeat offender and place him on the national registry.

Mr. Kruse you must now visit your constituents, door-to-door, and inform them that they have an asshat resident in their legislative body.

Mike Huckabee is a Sad, Sad Man

Wikipedia, Mike HuckabeeAs reported by The Huffington Post Mike Huckabee took a time of national tragedy to both lie and advance his agenda.  Speaking on the tragic shooting of 27 people in Newtown, Conn. he began with:

“We ask why there is violence in our schools, but we have systematically removed God from our schools.  Should we be so surprised that schools would become a place of carnage?”

Not having made a big enough ass of himself he continued:

“We don’t have a crime problem, a gun problem or even a violence problem. What we have is a sin problem.  And since we’ve ordered God out of our schools, and communities, the military and public conversations, you know we really shouldn’t act so surprised … when all hell breaks loose.”

As a member of government and former presidential hopeful we have to assume that Huckabee has, at least once, read the Constitution.   We feel confident in saying that he’s willfully misunderstanding the difference between preventing schools from forcing God down their students throats and “ordering him out”.

We’d also love to visit wherever it is that God has been ordered out of public conversations as we’ve never been there or seen it on the news.

Finally we must ask (not being religious ourselves): how insulting to the faithful is the intimation that God is such an vainglorious asshole that he allowed children to die because we’ve eliminated forced school prayer?

Verdict

For continuing to perpetuate the myth that “God is not allowed in schools” and for using God as some kind of ridiculous boogeyman he earns a charge of Felony Dumbassery.  For using this tragedy to further his own agenda (especially with repeatedly debunked lies and misinformation) he earns multiple counts of Felony Dickory.

On a personal note the court would also like the following comment entered into the record: Fuck you, Mike Huckabee.  Fuck you.

Sad Judge Doesn’t Understand the Constitution

As reported by the New York Times in “Constitution Experts Denounce Oklahoma Judge’s Sentencing of Youth to Church“, Judge Mike Norman (Oklahoma) recently sentenced a teen DUI offender to 10 years of regular church attendance.  Forgoing the obvious jokes about this sentence being worse that prison it should be clear to anybody with a Junior High School level understanding of the constitution that this is patently illegal.  Amazing this judge reached his position without this basic understanding.  When asked about the ruling he said:

“I feel like church is important.  I sentenced him to go to church for 10 years because I thought I could do that.”  He followed later with, “I think it would hold up, but I don’t know one way or another.” and “I think Jesus can help anybody. I know I need help from him every day.”

Constitution Daily delves into the issue much more clearly than we ever could in their excellent article, “Constitution Check: Can a judge send a criminal to church instead of prison?”  Spoiler: the answer is “no”.  One of the foundational aspects of the Constitution is that it prevents government from either compelling or prohibiting religious practice in any way.

Verdict

Judge Norman is, if we may be so bold, clearly an unschooled idiot.  For this reason we can find no true malice in his actions.  He did use his position to unlawful force his religious views on others however and we find that we must sadly find him guilty of Dumbassery in the First Degree.  We sentence him to actually read the Constitution (or at least the Cliff Notes version).

Mitt Romney, A Sad Retrospective

[Our lack of posts recently was a result of completely underestimating how absolutely filthy we’d feel submerging ourselves in politics for the last few weeks of the election cycle.]

As you may have heard Barack Obama is still president of the United States.  In what comes as no surprise this didn’t please his opponent, Mitt Romney.  Here is a brief retrospective of how several news (and some entertainment) outlets handled his feelings.

We’ll leave with the very sad (and bitter) words of Romney himself, who blames his loss primarily on the “gifts” that the Democrats bestowed upon young and minority voters:

“With regards to the young people, for instance, a forgiveness of college loan interest was a big gift.  Free contraceptives were very big with young, college-aged women. And then, finally, Obamacare also made a difference for them, because as you know, anybody now 26 years of age and younger was now going to be part of their parents’ plan, and that was a big gift to young people. They turned out in large numbers, a larger share in this election even than in 2008.”

“You can imagine for somebody making $25,000 or $30,000 or $35,000 a year, being told you’re now going to get free health care, particularly if you don’t have it, getting free health care worth, what, $10,000 per family, in perpetuity – I mean, this is huge.  Likewise with Hispanic voters, free health care was a big plus. But in addition with regards to Hispanic voters, the amnesty for children of illegals, the so-called Dream Act kids, was a huge plus for that voting group.”

With that we say a fond farewell to Mister Romney.

XKCD Gets It

Although made long before our previous post, this XKCD Comic truly gets the point.

Yes.  A bit of a situation indeed.

Paul Broun Sadly Sits on the Committee on Science and Technology

Georgia congressman Paul Broun (Rep.) does not like science.  In fact, as reported by TPM, he really does not like science so much that when speaking at the recent Liberty Baptist Church Sportsman’s Banquet he informed the group:

“All that stuff I was taught about evolution and embryology and the Big Bang Theory, all that is lies straight from the pit of Hell.  And it’s lies to try to keep me and all the folks who were taught that from understanding that they need a savior.”

He, along with Todd Akin (who, in his spare time, invents facts about rape), sits on the United States House Committee on Science, Space and Technology.  Broun, a medical doctor with a B.S. in Chemistry, continued:

“You see, there are a lot of scientific data that I’ve found out as a scientist that actually show that this is really a young Earth.  I don’t believe that the Earth’s but about 9,000 years old. I believe it was created in six days as we know them. That’s what the Bible says.”

To conclude he summed up how he makes public policy decisions:

“What I’ve come to learn is that it’s the manufacturer’s handbook, is what I call it.  It teaches us how to run our lives individually, how to run our families, how to run our churches. But it teaches us how to run all of public policy and everything in society. And that’s the reason as your congressman I hold the holy Bible as being the major directions to me of how I vote in Washington, D.C., and I’ll continue to do that.”

Verdict

As reported later by The Huffington Post Broud’s reelection campaign later defended his remarks by explaining that they were “Off the record” and, despite his clear and unequivocal explanation that they informed his public policy decisions, that his comments were  “about his personal beliefs regarding religious issues.”

Broud has a complete lack of understanding of both science and the role of a secular government.  Worse, he is clearly immensely proud of these flaws.  He is charged with Grand Dickory in the First Degree.  Furthermore we sentence him to live without the benefits of science until he decides to respect it.

Stump Speech Roundup

The fine folks at FactCheck.org have put together an excellent series on the standard stump speeches from each 2012 candidate.  Some highlights:

Obama’s Stump Speech

  • He tells us that number of manufacturing jobs have gone up by more than half a million from the lowest point.  He doesn’t mention that the number is still less than half the total lost in his first term.
  • He says that Romney will raise taxes by $2,000 on  middle-income taxpayers.  Romney has responded clearly that he has no plans do that.
  • He also attacks Romney and the Republicans for running a negative complain when independent reviews show that 69% of the president’s own ads are also negative.

Romney’s Stump Speech

  • Romney references an uncontrolled, online, opt-in survey to defend his position that small business owners will refrain from hiring because of the Affordable Care Act.
  • Romney continues to play heavily on Obama’s out-of-context “you didn’t build that” quote despite repeated, public attempts to correct him.
  • Romney exaggerates several claims regarding annual income, health care costs and gasoline prices.

What become clear is that neither candidate is sticking solely to the facts.  Instead, as we’ve come expect, a good soundbite continues to trump the truth every time and from all the players.