Sad, Paid Tweets for Romney

In “Report says 15 percent of Mitt Romney Twitter followers are paid fakes” Ars Technica summarizes a new report that estimates that more than 15% of Mitt Romney’s Twitter followers have been generated by paid services.  The report from Barracuda Labs points specifically to July 21st when Romney’s fan base jumped by 116,922 new followers.

These new followers represented a single-day 17% spike in followers for Romney.  Fully 25% of the accounts were less than four days old and over 23% had never issued a tweet.  Interestingly over 10% of the accounts were later suspended without comment by Twitter.

The study explored the shady grey market of purchasing followers by opening test accounts and purchasing followers for them for an average of $18 per 1000 follows.  They then collected metrics about the fake accounts and applied them to Twitter accounts at large.  The practice of selling accounts is against Twitter’s terms of service but the firm seems to do little about it.

Verdict

We must be clear that the Romney campaign has yet to comment and the report’s evidence can only reasonably considered circumstantial.  However the evidence is also very convincing.  Having taken into account the minimal potential impact we still feel that this kind of store-bought deception earns the Romney campaign a charge of Douchebaggery in the Third Degree.  In addition we also give the campaign an additional charge of Misdemeanor Dumbassery just for the plain egotistic silliness spending any money at all on fake Twitter followers.

We are willing to suspend these charges should it come to light that the campaign did not, indeed, purchase the followers in question.

Romney Makes you Miss the Point

The always appreciated Washington Post Fact Checker hands out one of his rare “Four Pinocchio” ratings a stunningly tactless distortion by the Romney Campaign.  By lifting an unprepared statement made to a group of democrats out of context Romney intimates that Obama defended his current fiscal record as “working” when the fill comments clearly indicate he was actually speaking about the Clinton era economic plan.

Verdict

This is exactly the kind of depressing politics this site was created catalog.  while the horribly deceptive, out-of-context claim clearly earns Romney an accusation of Felony Douchebaggery the sheer audacity of it also nets him a secondary charge of Second Degree Dumbassery.

Sad, Sad GOP-on-GOP Action

As reported by Politico and the Times Free Press, Tennessee’s Republican Gov. Bill Haslam (pictured left) is being criticized by (at last report) nine local and at least one national republican groups.  The resolutions request that Republican leaders take  “appropriate action against the administration of Governor Bill Haslam” because his actions have created a loss of “confidence in our Governor during an election year.”

Haslam has committed two infractions worthy of this action.  One, he hired, Samar Ali, an incredibly talented new International Director for the Tennessee Department of Economic and Community Affairs and two, for retaining employees from the previous (Democratic) administration.  Oh, by the way, that director is a Muslim and one of those retained employees is openly gay.

Both the Williamson and Stewart County resolutions are available for review at The Tennessean.  Amongst a host of tenuously linked assertions, unrelated facts and out-of-context citation in the Williamson County resolution offers:

“WHEREAS, Tennessee Governor Bill Haslam has elevated and/or afford preferential political status to Sharia adherents in Tennessee, thereby aiding and abetting the advancement of an ideology and doctrine which is wholly incompatible with the Constitution of the United States and the Tennessee Constitution.”

The Stewart Country resolution is more simplistic but attacked Ali more directly:

“One of the latest Executive Service Employees has included Samar Ali, an expert in Shariah Compliant Finance which is one of the many ways Islamic terrorism is funded. She is also a one-time Obama appointee and her family has a long history of supporting the Democrat Party.”

The Stewart Country resolution also added that the governor “allowed and retained openly [sic] homosexuals to make policy decisions in the Department of Children’s Services.”

Verdict

The groups making these statements clearly do not understand the difference between a talented lawyer that happens to be Muslim and a terrorist.  They also  intimate (without defending the position) the a homosexual is unable to make decisions where children are concerned.

In a sweeping judgment we accuse every single individual that has signed these documents of Dumbassery and Dickory, both in the Second Degree.   To his great credit there is no indication that the governor plans to change his policies based on these resolutions.

Classic Sadness: Bill Clinton Defines “Is”

Bill Clinton found himself in trouble in 1998.  The Lewinsky Scandal would haunt him from that point on and will most likely remain the defining point of his presidency.  While the entire affair (pun noted) was full to overflowing with sadness Clinton’s use of semantics earns him a special place in our sad political history.

After adamantly telling Jim Lehrer shortly after the story broke that “There is no improper relationship” we all know that it turned out that indeed there actually had been an improper relationship.  Clinton defended himself very sadly indeed:

“It depends on what the meaning of the word ‘is’ is. If the–if he–if ‘is’ means is and never has been, that is not–that is one thing. If it means there is none, that was a completely true statement….Now, if someone had asked me on that day, are you having any kind of sexual relations with Ms. Lewinsky, that is, asked me a question in the present tense, I would have said no. And it would have been completely true.”

Basically Clinton finds his answer justified as he and Miss Lewinsky had no improper relationship that day.  Of course had Lehrer not been such a sloppy reporter and asked all questions in past/present/future tenses Clinton’s high moral standards would have forced him to admit that there was a relationship.

In the resulting deposition Clinton was asked “Have you ever had sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky, as that term is defined in Deposition Exhibit 1.”  That definition clearly wasn’t ironclad as Clinton honestly answered “I have never had sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky.”

Apparently the definition, as interpreted by Clinton, included only giving oral sex – not receiving.  In addition he claimed never to had contacted Lewinsky’s “genitalia, anus, groin, breast, inner thigh, or buttocks” by saying:

“I thought the definition included any activity by [me], where [I] was the actor and came in contact with those parts of the bodies.”

Put simply while Lewinsky’s breast may have touched Clinton, he did not touch her breast.

Verdict

We do feel some sympathy for Clinton: if there’s one thing the testimony offered proved is that this was perhaps the most depressing example of oral sex ever undertaken.  However that sympathy can not extend to our verdict.

While these amazingly pedantic explanations did prevent Clinton from being impeached we are still forced to charge him with Felony Douchbaggery for what continues to be the textbook definition of the term.

A Summary of (and Response to) Tragic Dickory

Alan Boyle, at MSNBC’s Cosmic Log has a great rundown, “Don’t blame the shootings on Darwin (or on God’s wrath)“, of some of the dickory being spawned by the tragedy in Colorado.  The piece focuses on those leveraging the incident to further their religious (and anti-religious) agendas and likely could have been several thousand more words as nearly every seems to have an opinion on the “real” cause of this tragedy.

The real cause was one horribly broken man.  The real effect was the senseless ending of 12 lives and the terrible upheaval of hundreds of others.

We are being deluged with forwards, Facebook updates and other lazy, ugly attempts to politicize this terrible event.  We at SadPolitics have refused to take part in this discussion and respond with this statement:

I find this heavy-handed attempt at leveraging this deeply personal tragedy to force your sad, fucking opinion down my throat callous and completely lacking in empathy or humanity.  I find you guilty of Felony Dickory in the First Degree.

Feel free to modify to taste and reuse as you will.  However you decide to engage (or not) on this event please do not allow these deaths to be further tainted by asshats and people of low character for something as ultimately meaningless as politics.

Happy Politics: Boston Mayor says “No” to Chick-fil-A

The Boston Herald reports that Boston Mayor Thomas M. Menino has vowed to make it as difficult as possible for Chick-fil-A to expand its empire into Beantown due to its anti-gay position.  After many years of offering corporate financial support to anti-gay rights organizations (as reported by EqualityMatters.org) the corporation recently made headlines when its president, Dan Cathy, repeatedly confirmed thier stance against gay marriage.  During a radio interview Cathy said:

“We’re inviting God’s judgment on our nation when we shake our fist at him and say we know better than you as to what constitutes a marriage. And I pray God’s mercy on our generation that has such a prideful, arrogant attitude that thinks we have the audacity to redefine what marriage is all about.”

Menino has made his position on the matter completely clear to The Herald:

“Chick-fil-A doesn’t belong in Boston. You can’t have a business in the city of Boston that discriminates against a population. We’re an open city, we’re a city that’s at the forefront of inclusion.  That’s the Freedom Trail. That’s where it all started right here. And we’re not going to have a company, Chick-fil-A or whatever the hell the name is, on our Freedom Trail.”  He continued: “If they need licenses in the city, it will be very difficult — unless they open up their policies.”

Menino is serving his 19th year as Mayor of Boston: he knows how the political game is played and yet has taken a passionate, no-compromise stance on this hot-button issue.  We also praise him for saying, even in this economy, that he will accept the financial consequences of turning away corporations when he disagrees with their ethics.  We can only applaud him (and must admit, after living in Boston for 15 years then leaving 6 years ago, we kind of miss the big, mumbling lug).

We need to be clear however: it’s very unlikely that the Mayor has any actual power to stop this business from joining his community.  In fact we’d bet that any serious attempt to try is very likely actionable and would, reluctantly, have to support Chick-fil-A’s rights in the matter.

Tragedy Breeds Dickory

In the first of what we fear will be many posts regarding the tragic shootings in Colorado (as reported by MSNBC, CNN, Fox News and all other major news outlets) we would like to introduce you to Louie Gohmert, a sad, angry little congressman from Texas.

As reported on Huffinton Post and also in The Maddow Blog, Louie feels that he knows why this tragedy occurred:

“You know what really gets me, as a Christian, is to see the ongoing attacks on Judeo-Christian beliefs, and then some senseless crazy act of a derelict takes place.” … “Some of us happen to believe that when our founders talked about guarding our virtue and freedom, that that was important,” he said. “Whether it’s John Adams saying our Constitution was made only for moral and religious people … Ben Franklin, only a virtuous people are capable of freedom, as nations become corrupt and vicious they have more need of masters. We have been at war with the very pillars, the very foundation of this country.”

(While he is correct that Adams was quite pro-religion Franklin most assuredly was not.  However both men were major, outspoken proponents of the separation of church and state; a fact that clearly eludes representative Gohmert.)

In a rambling conclusion Gohmert intimates that the recent challenges to the Separation of Church and State may be preventing God from intervening in situation like this:

“People say … where was God in all of this?  We’ve threatened high school graduation participations, if they use God’s name, they’re going to be jailed … I mean that kind of stuff. Where was God? What have we done with God? We don’t want him around. I kind of like his protective hand being present.”

While a defense can (and most likely will) be made that the congressmen never actually related today’s events to his beliefs it’s very difficult for reasonable people not to take that message away from his comments.

Verdict

Yes, blowhards will be blowhards, but to Gohmert decided to use this tragedy for his political gain before the bodies even had a chance to cool – in fact less than 9 hours from the murders.  For that he easily earns a sentence of Federal Felony Dickory in the First Degree.

His comments relating the founding fathers are true, but misleading and self-serving, which adds an additional charge of Douchbaggery in the Third Degree.

Logical Sadness: Sununu Demonstrates the “No True Scotsman” Fallacy

John Sununu, former White House chief of staff  under the Senior Bush and former New Hampshire governor, spoke to the press on a conference call today.  While the habitually aggressive Sununu presented many (many) logical fallacies in his comments we’re going to focus on just one.

In “Romney surrogate Sununu: ‘I wish this president would learn how to be an American’” NBC News reports these comments:

“The president clearly demonstrated that he has absolutely no idea how the American economy functions. The men and women all over America who have worked hard to build these businesses, their businesses from the ground up is how our economy became the envy of the world — it is the American way, and I wish this president would learn how to be an American.” [Emphasis added.]

This is a form of the No True Scotsman logical fallacy and is very common in politics.  This fallacy is sometimes also called “an appeal to purity” in that any dissent or seeming contradiction can be explained away by questioning the foundation of the opposing viewpoint.  In essence the opposing viewpoint is ignored because of a “new rule” for determining participation in the argument.

For example, David claims that all Star Wars fans hate Jar Jar Binks.  Jerry replies that he is a Star Wars fan and likes Jar Jar Binks.  David replies that Jerry can’t be a real Star Wars fan!

While we must  admit that it does seem obvious that the existence of Jar Jar Binks is a crime against humanity we cannot logically make hatred of him a prerequisite of Star Wars fandom.  Clearly there are some (possibly deranged) fans that do indeed like Jar Jar.

In case at hand Sununu is dismissing the policies of a president by implying he’s not an “American” (or, at the very least, isn’t acting like one).  What must follow is that his policies aren’t “American” either.  This, of course, despite the fact that those policies (having been enacted in America by elected American leaders) are by definition “American”.

The No True Scotsman fallacy is often used as a “short cut”.  Implying that an opponent doesn’t meet the basic requirements of participation means that you can ignore their positions completely!  It really makes debating so much simpler.  If applied often (and loudly) you can sometimes get away without having to actually engage on any actual issue at all!

For what it’s worth Sununu, as expected, later backed off his claims saying “What I thought I said, but I guess I didn’t say, is that the president has to learn the American formula for creating business, if I didn’t give all that detail I apologize.”  For our purposes the backpedaling doesn’t really enter into the discussion however.

Limbaugh Still (Still) an Asshat

With two posts in two days it looks like we’re going to have to start giving Limbaugh a pass or else do nothing but report on his sad, depressing stupidity.   But this was just too good to pass up.

As reported by The Mary Sue in, “Rush Limbaugh Thinks ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ Bane Is Part Of A Political Agenda [LOL]” Rush Limbaugh seems to think that the film’s villain, Bane, is a direct reference to Bain Capital designed to hurt Mitt Romney in the election.  From his show today:

Do you know the name of the villain in this movie? Bane. The villain in the Dark Knight Rises is named Bane. B-A-N-E. What is the name of the venture capital firm that Romney ran, and around which there’s now this make-believe controversy? Bain.

He blathers on for quite a while on it, really.  You can read the whole transcript at his own site here.

Of course the character, Bane – a fan favorite – was introduced in 1993 where he was made famous for (literally) snapping Batman like a twig in one of the biggest comic book events of the 90’s.  As for the films Bane first appeared – horribly – in 1997’s truly terrible Batman & Robin.  The official announcement of Bane for The Dark Knight Rises was made in Feb, 2011 and rumors of his inclusion were made as far back as 2009.

Verdict

As neither insanity or stupidity is a defense in our court we are sadly forced to charge Limbaugh with First Degree, Felony, High-supreme Dumbassery on this one.  It feels like charging an infant with disturbing the peace for crying but it must be done.

Romney’s Many Sad Returns

As being reported by the always excellent Washington Post Fact Checker, “Romney’s misleading history of tax returns issued by presidential contenders,” and BuzzFeed, “Why George Romney Released His Tax Returns,” Mitt Romney is defending his decision not release further tax returns by leaning on imaginary precedent.  Barack Obama, in contrast, has released seven years worth of returns.

As the Fact Checker clearly lays out most candidates in recent memory have released many years of returns.  While there’s definitely no requirement for a son to agree with a father it’s media gold that Romney’s father famously released 12 years of his returns during his 1968 presidential run saying that one year “could be a fluke” and “that what mattered in personal finance was how a man conducted himself over the long haul.”

Verdict

While Romney has every right not to release his returns (this isn’t a legal issue) it’s sad that he’s decided to try to lawyer his way out of it by suggesting that the two years he’s released is somehow “standard”.  In his defense however when challenged with his prior demand for Ted Kennedy to release his returns during their senatorial race he responded with a simple, honest “He was right and I was wrong.”

So, considering all the evidence we cannot commit to charge him with more than Third Degree Douchebaggery for this particular infraction.