Tag Archives: Dickory

This Man Makes Rape Even Sadder

As reported by NBCNews, The NY Times, the Christian Science Monitor and many others, Rep. Todd Akin said a very stupid thing.  While being interviewed during his campaign to unseat the Democratic incumbent Akin was asked his opinion about abortion in the case of rape.  He did not answer well:

“First of all, from what I understand from doctors, [pregnancy from rape] is really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.  But let’s assume that maybe that didn’t work or something. I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be on the rapist and not attacking the child.”

Perhaps Rep. Akin needs to find some smarter doctors.


He later apologized for the word “legitimate” in his remarks.  We’ll grant grant the benefit of the doubt and assume that he didn’t mean to imply that any woman who became pregnant after a rape was raped incorrectly.  Disturbingly however we’ve found no evidence that he actually corrected his thinking on the subject.

As the Washington Post Reports studies conclude that as many as 30,000 pregnancies a year are the result of rape with as many as six percent of fertile victims becoming pregnant.  There simply is no “automatic” defense against pregnancy in cases of rape.

In fact the entire argument that women can “shut that whole thing down” seems to have been invented completely from whole-cloth by Republican Stephen Freind when he was defending his own anti-abortion bill in the 80’s.

Considering his apology and the unscripted nature of the statement we slap Rep. Akin with a reduced charge of Dickory in the Third Degree.  However we recommend that continuing to propagate this groundless myth will be seen as clear malicious intent to deceive.

Harry Reid Takes the Sad, Low Road

As reported by The Huffington Post, National Public Radio and CNN Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) has recently decided that dirty politics are just fine for him.  While the issue of Romney’s past tax returns and his refusal to release them may be a valid talking point but Reid stepped over the line by reporting random heresy.

He claims that a former Bain Capital investor called his office and said of Romney, “Harry, he didn’t pay any taxes for 10 years!”  As if saying something unsubstantiated made it something worth expanding on he continued in what can only be termed a rant:

“He didn’t pay taxes for 10 years! Now, do I know that that’s true? Well, I’m not certain.  But obviously he can’t release those tax returns. How would it look?  You guys have said his wealth is $250 million.  Not a chance in the world. It’s a lot more than that. I mean, you do pretty well if you don’t pay taxes for 10 years when you’re making millions and millions of dollars.”

Dragging his comments even lower into the muck Reid concluded with, “His poor father must be so embarrassed about his son.”  That’s just plain low and outside.


Reid’s statements would be distasteful if they came from your average ass-hat pundit; from the Senate Majority Leader however they’re despicable.  Reid is therefore given one of the most deserved sentences of First Degree Dickory that we’ve seen.

Sad, Sad GOP-on-GOP Action

As reported by Politico and the Times Free Press, Tennessee’s Republican Gov. Bill Haslam (pictured left) is being criticized by (at last report) nine local and at least one national republican groups.  The resolutions request that Republican leaders take  “appropriate action against the administration of Governor Bill Haslam” because his actions have created a loss of “confidence in our Governor during an election year.”

Haslam has committed two infractions worthy of this action.  One, he hired, Samar Ali, an incredibly talented new International Director for the Tennessee Department of Economic and Community Affairs and two, for retaining employees from the previous (Democratic) administration.  Oh, by the way, that director is a Muslim and one of those retained employees is openly gay.

Both the Williamson and Stewart County resolutions are available for review at The Tennessean.  Amongst a host of tenuously linked assertions, unrelated facts and out-of-context citation in the Williamson County resolution offers:

“WHEREAS, Tennessee Governor Bill Haslam has elevated and/or afford preferential political status to Sharia adherents in Tennessee, thereby aiding and abetting the advancement of an ideology and doctrine which is wholly incompatible with the Constitution of the United States and the Tennessee Constitution.”

The Stewart Country resolution is more simplistic but attacked Ali more directly:

“One of the latest Executive Service Employees has included Samar Ali, an expert in Shariah Compliant Finance which is one of the many ways Islamic terrorism is funded. She is also a one-time Obama appointee and her family has a long history of supporting the Democrat Party.”

The Stewart Country resolution also added that the governor “allowed and retained openly [sic] homosexuals to make policy decisions in the Department of Children’s Services.”


The groups making these statements clearly do not understand the difference between a talented lawyer that happens to be Muslim and a terrorist.  They also  intimate (without defending the position) the a homosexual is unable to make decisions where children are concerned.

In a sweeping judgment we accuse every single individual that has signed these documents of Dumbassery and Dickory, both in the Second Degree.   To his great credit there is no indication that the governor plans to change his policies based on these resolutions.

Tragedy Breeds Dickory

In the first of what we fear will be many posts regarding the tragic shootings in Colorado (as reported by MSNBC, CNN, Fox News and all other major news outlets) we would like to introduce you to Louie Gohmert, a sad, angry little congressman from Texas.

As reported on Huffinton Post and also in The Maddow Blog, Louie feels that he knows why this tragedy occurred:

“You know what really gets me, as a Christian, is to see the ongoing attacks on Judeo-Christian beliefs, and then some senseless crazy act of a derelict takes place.” … “Some of us happen to believe that when our founders talked about guarding our virtue and freedom, that that was important,” he said. “Whether it’s John Adams saying our Constitution was made only for moral and religious people … Ben Franklin, only a virtuous people are capable of freedom, as nations become corrupt and vicious they have more need of masters. We have been at war with the very pillars, the very foundation of this country.”

(While he is correct that Adams was quite pro-religion Franklin most assuredly was not.  However both men were major, outspoken proponents of the separation of church and state; a fact that clearly eludes representative Gohmert.)

In a rambling conclusion Gohmert intimates that the recent challenges to the Separation of Church and State may be preventing God from intervening in situation like this:

“People say … where was God in all of this?  We’ve threatened high school graduation participations, if they use God’s name, they’re going to be jailed … I mean that kind of stuff. Where was God? What have we done with God? We don’t want him around. I kind of like his protective hand being present.”

While a defense can (and most likely will) be made that the congressmen never actually related today’s events to his beliefs it’s very difficult for reasonable people not to take that message away from his comments.


Yes, blowhards will be blowhards, but to Gohmert decided to use this tragedy for his political gain before the bodies even had a chance to cool – in fact less than 9 hours from the murders.  For that he easily earns a sentence of Federal Felony Dickory in the First Degree.

His comments relating the founding fathers are true, but misleading and self-serving, which adds an additional charge of Douchbaggery in the Third Degree.

Limbaugh Still (Still) an Asshat

With two posts in two days it looks like we’re going to have to start giving Limbaugh a pass or else do nothing but report on his sad, depressing stupidity.   But this was just too good to pass up.

As reported by The Mary Sue in, “Rush Limbaugh Thinks ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ Bane Is Part Of A Political Agenda [LOL]” Rush Limbaugh seems to think that the film’s villain, Bane, is a direct reference to Bain Capital designed to hurt Mitt Romney in the election.  From his show today:

Do you know the name of the villain in this movie? Bane. The villain in the Dark Knight Rises is named Bane. B-A-N-E. What is the name of the venture capital firm that Romney ran, and around which there’s now this make-believe controversy? Bain.

He blathers on for quite a while on it, really.  You can read the whole transcript at his own site here.

Of course the character, Bane – a fan favorite – was introduced in 1993 where he was made famous for (literally) snapping Batman like a twig in one of the biggest comic book events of the 90’s.  As for the films Bane first appeared – horribly – in 1997’s truly terrible Batman & Robin.  The official announcement of Bane for The Dark Knight Rises was made in Feb, 2011 and rumors of his inclusion were made as far back as 2009.


As neither insanity or stupidity is a defense in our court we are sadly forced to charge Limbaugh with First Degree, Felony, High-supreme Dumbassery on this one.  It feels like charging an infant with disturbing the peace for crying but it must be done.

Limbaugh Still an Asshat

Politico reports in, “Rush Limbaugh: Mitt Romney booed at NAACP because white,” that Rush Limbaugh said that the candidate’s speech was “over these people’s heads” and of Obama: “He’s confident they’ll boo Romney, simply because Romney’s white.”


We fairly sure that Limbaugh can’t open his pie-hole without committing, at very least, Dickory in the Second Degree.

Church and State: Islam is a Religion Too?

As reported by American’s United in “Louisiana Revelation: School Voucher Funding – It’s Not Just For Christians Any More” Louisiana state rep. Valarie Hodges (Republican) is now unsure of her support for Gov. Bobby Jindal’s patently unconstitutional (but still ratified) law allowing taxpayer money to fund private religious schools.  According to the Livingston Parish News the representative is quoted as:

Rep. Valarie Hodges, R-Watson

“I actually support funding for teaching the fundamentals of America’s Founding Fathers’ religion, which is Christianity, in public schools or private schools.” and “I liked the idea of giving parents the option of sending their children to a public school or a Christian school.”  Later she added, “Unfortunately it will not be limited to the Founders’ religion.”

While the founders religious preferences are still debatable it’s very likely that many (if not most) would be very uncomfortable with the evangelism of today.  It’s also true that many of the most well-known and most respected of the founding father’s (Jefferson, Franklin, Hamilton, Adams, Wilson, Morris, Madison, and Washington for example) are also those most critical of religion.

Jefferson, of course, is credited with coining the term “separation of church and state” in a letter to the Danbury Baptist Association:

“Believing with you that religion is a matter which lies solely between man and his God, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship,  that the legislative powers of government reach actions only, and not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should ‘make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,’ thus building a wall of separation between church and State.”

Representative Hodges clearly needs to review her history.  Finally she ends: “We need to ensure that it does not open the door to fund radical Islam schools. There are a thousand Muslim schools that have sprung up recently. I do not support using public funds for teaching Islam anywhere here in Louisiana.”


For Representative Hodges clear ignorance of her own history and the US Constitution she easily earns a charge of Dumbassery in the First Degree.  For her blatant (and illegal) favoritism of her own religion she also garners an additional charge of Dickory in the Second Degree.

Obama Campaign Claims about Romney’s Outsourcing are Sad

Several televisions spots produced by the Obama campaign focus on his record as an outsourcer of jobs while he managed Bain Capital.  As both the Washington Post Fact Checker and FactCheck.org review in-depth there is no reasonable evidence to support this claim.

Here’s one of the ads in question:

As an aside: while the focus of this has been on his time at Bain the ad also claims that he outsourced jobs as governor of Massachusetts.  This is also more complex that presented and is covered well in the FactCheck.org piece.


The Obama campaign is leaning heavily on official (but unconvincing) SEC filings to support their claims.  Even if correct they provide only the most tenuous of connections leading us to consider an initial finding of Felony Douchebaggery.

However, in response to criticism, they are scrambling to provide any compelling proof for the claims but are still running the ads without that proof making this a clear case of Dickory in the First Degree.